06/20/2012 19:43

By Ted Casablanca

Dear Ted:

How bummed are you that Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis split up? I know the writing was on the wall, but it still sucks. Is there any truth to the Amber Heard rumors? Oh, and Humphrey loved meeting his new brother last week, so we happily added baby Donald Rescato to our clan! Thanks, Ted!

--Nic

Dear Sunken Booty:

Super bummed, Nic. There have obviously been some whispers (and some not-so-hushed chatter) about trouble in paradise for Paradis and Captain Jack Sparrow, but I was secretly holding out hope the duo would make it work. That said, yes, there's some truth to the rumors about Depp and his Rum Diaries bombshell costar...but it's hardly scandalous.